I Feel Stuck.

I feel very stuck. My brain is having a very difficult time processing happy emotions. When happiness shows itself, it's big, bold, and brief. Brief because it is overrun immediately by anxiety and weariness.

I have gestational diabetes and I had an appointment that was going to cost $236 to receive counseling at the hospital. I called and cancelled and also found I could receive counseling through the health department. Good, right? Why do I feel no sense of satisfaction?

My mental health counselor scheduled an appointment with me on day she was gone for vacation. I received an email reminder and all. Miscommunication, I assume, nothing more. I went and she wasn't there... on a day we found out Kale is going to owe more for child support. I beat the skin off my knuckle sobbing in the car on the way home.

We went to Newport Aquarium on Saturday. We had a good time, I think. I didn't really feel very much, but I believe I enjoyed it. We spend $500 last week on ourselves. Why do I feel like the only thing I am allowed to spend money on is necessity? No privilege for working so hard.

I am supposedly going to receive a promotion this month. A week after inquiry, I have heard nothing.

Otherwise, on Monday night we saw Elliott move and Kale felt him for the first time. It was fantastic to see the joy on his face. I love him, I do. And he loves me. He says I'm the cutest pregnant penguin on earth. I wish I felt that way.

Oh, and the house is mildly clean - cleaner than before - because I vacuumed and mopped it.

I'm just tired?