Some Things Are Personal.

I need more Interpol in my life because with all this rain and lack of meds (noneyabeezwax, just part of my day today) their sound is the way my brain and my body feels. That Twix I just ate really did the trick...of making me feel heavier and sugar-buzzed. I'm preparing for the crash. I am lost in my head, dog paddling through endless circles of thoughts that go nowhere. I couldn't sleep last night, so I laid on the couch until 3am. At some point I went into the bathroom and chopped at my hair with a pair of shoddy scissors. I forgot to bring my tennis shoes to work today so I can walk during my break. Break? The whole day would be considered a break to some; I do little to nothing all day, hence the blog and the Etsy shop. Here, so I guess it's your business - the pharmacy can't seem to communicate with the doctor's office and I've been med-less for a few days. There's something wrong with that, isn't there? And is it my fault? I made a nice dinner last night. I took a long shower and then I watched The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T, a story by Dr. Seuss. But I felt no sense of fulfillment from that. I am depleted. I feel nothing but the confusion of the circling thoughts in my head. People saw it in my face this morning. Yesterday I had my love take me home at 2:30 because I felt so nauseous and hot and irritated that I thought I might throw my chair at somebody. I need to spread my work out on a big table and see just what I've completed. So much of the time I feel like I'm chipping away at a rock with a toothpick. Ideas bubble up to the point of semi-consciousness, but they fizzle when I try to comprehend them. I feel smothered and I feel neglected. I feel guilty and I feel manipulated. I am overwhelmed by nothing at all, just the circling nonsense in my own head.
Get away from all this for a while.
Detox. Stop drinking, smoking.
Eat healthier. Make pico de gallo, it will solve all your problems.
Drink water.
Eat clementines. An apple a day will keep the bullshit away.
Listen to music instead of watching tv.
Paint.
Set up a timeline for completing embroideries.
Do more than monograms. You like the fun stuff more.
Play with Tink. Take a walk.
Read a good book.
Throw some stuff away. Get those bags of clothes out of your bedroom.
Go visit your parents. Visit your grandmother.
Clean your car.
Pay the bills. Make a budget. Stop using your credit card.
Find a church that doesn't make you feel like it's story time at the library.
Wear dresses. Get some sun.
Stop drinking cokes. Drink more water, less caffeine.
Get new glasses.
Sleep better.