Elliott Wilder Nickens Part 1

June 15th, 2014, around 7:30 pm, Kale and I left our home, left Vivi and Lynden with Trent and Anna, and went Wendy's (of all places - Kale "hates" Wendy's). I had a Frosty. I wasn't supposed to eat ice cream, but I deserved a treat. I was on my way to the hospital to give birth to our son.

We arrived at The Women's Hospital and were taken to our delivery room. I changed into my gown and we settled in with the Nabi tablet for the evening. I was given something that dissolved under my tongue to help my cervix begin to soften. A while later, I started to feel a familiar crampy feeling like menstrual cramps. We watched the second season of Orange is the New Black. Kale slept on a blue couch. I slept on my side, as usual. (I miss my big belly full of baby.)

At 6:00 am on June 16th, Dr. Campbell arrived and checked my cervix. He also deftly broke my water. It was a gush I wasn't expecting, he didn't tell me he was about to do it. That gush was a trigger. That's when Elliott and I agreed it was go time. They started a drip of Pitocin to make my cervix dilate and from that point on it went like clockwork (the same way he wakes on the hour when it's time to eat, my little clockwork man).

We watched I Love Lucy and I was comfortable. I can't remember when I recognized the contractions were coming. I don't think he and I ever timed them, we just waited until the magic number 10 arrived, but they were consistent and rhythmic and Kale was by my side. When he needed breakfast he had to leave the hospital. I can't remember what he ate, I couldn't eat. I had ice chips and that was enough.

Later in the morning, around the time we were watching Bob Ross paint a landscape, I asked for pain medication and was given Stadall (?). They warned me it would make me feel drunk, which I thought I might enjoy. I did not. Kale may have been gone for lunch at this point. I rang for the nurse because my blood pressure cuff had malfunctioned and an alarm was going off. When she came in she said that what I had said during the call had made no sense. I may have fallen asleep after that... or maybe I called before I slept. When the drug wore off, at any rate, I was nauseous and the nurse gave me apple juice. I remember needing to pee, getting myself and my IV stand into the bathroom, and puking up juice while contracting. My blood sugar was low and the drug had made me sick. I was ready for an epidural at 5 centimeters.

We were watching Frasier when I was finally able to receive the epidural. When I requested it, I was told it would be an hour or more. Another woman was delivering twins and the doctor was unable to see me. I was okay with sustaining the contractions for a while longer. With Kale holding my hand, I felt like I was holding back a tsunami, at a great battle, chasing off wild bears, defending a castle wall. I felt invincible and still very vulnerable. Between the contractions, which I sustained through hee-hee-hooooos, all I needed was his touch to fully relax and prepare for the next. This was healing for us. This was something I will never take for granted. I could only do this with the man I love and who loves me.

I sat on the edge of the bed for the epidural. They raised it up high and Kale and the nurse stood in front of me to support me as I hugged a pillow to remain still. When the drugs hit my bloodstream, I felt a jolt of electricity in my right leg. This leg stayed numb and felt like a giant plank of wood through all of the delivery. Keeping calm and still with a needle in your spine while your uterus contracts is very difficult. I contracted three times before it was over. Using my arms to move the rest of my body was aggravating from then on. I was relieved, at least for a little while, from pain.

I can't describe the pain. I can see myself out of body now experiencing it, but I can't describe it. It was involuntary and uncontrollable. My body was doing something I could only breathe through, I could not soothe myself in any other way. It would not stop until the job was done. I find that miraculous and I am very, very proud of myself. In a big way. Good job, me.