She Twinkles

"Lent is a call to weep for what we could have been and are not. Lent is the grace to grieve for what we should have done and did not. Lent is the opportunity to change what we ought to change but have not. Lent is not about penance. Lent is about becoming, doing and changing whatever it is that is blocking the fullness of life in us right now." - SJC

I have never observed Lent, didn't know what is was until a few years ago, and upon learning about giving up sweets or coca-cola for Jesus it just didn't click. But, a call to weep, the gift of grace, an opportunity, becoming, doing, and changing whatever is it that is blocking the fullness of life, does click. A big, CLAH-CHUNK kind of click. If I need to wear a rubber band or a shock collar, give up soda or red meat to start knocking down the wall between me and the fullness, I will.

I picked up a needle and thread for the first time in many, many dull months. I didn't follow through for very long, instead I reverted back to the same old gritty ache of procrastination, regret, and pity for myself. Sometimes (most times) making something is an exercise in self discipline, in achievement, in loving myself and pride and I nearly never follow through. Why is that? Why do I set aside the things I love for all the mediocrity I despise? I nearly always follow through in punishing myself, even if it is punishment through simple avoidance. It's so easy to avoid good things for yourself, things that are whole and healthy, and that leads to utter avoidance of good things for others - something I'm very, very guilty of. If I had been using my hands to make something positive, would my words all these months have followed suit? Would my deeds, my thoughts, my actions, my outcomes? Yes, I think so. And for that I am grieving, low to the ground, quietly, reverently ... and considering what I can do to change all this.