Am I Ready for This?

When I quit teaching elementary art in 2006, I felt there was nothing left for me. I had failed personally and emotionally. There was nothing that could make me believe in myself as a teacher or as an artist. Four years of college and a lot of heart felt projects appeared to be worthless endeavors and my heart was quite sad for a long time.

I did a few artistic things. I painted two saw blades for a family friend. I drew a couple of portraits for some co-workers. I embroidered paper Christmas cards for friends.

Three years later, I am finally back on track.

Tentatively, I am registered for my first arts and crafts fair, the Frankfort Expo. The Expo is something completely different in my mind than it previously was. I have always hated it, the crowd, the smell, the fireworks, even the vendors. Actually, as a child I loved the vendors, but the smell of the crowd and the sounds and the push of it all was way too much for my sensory system. I came back to love the Expo after college, when I could wander around by myself and cross the street to see the fireworks, and actually ride the carnival rides (my mom wouldn't let me when I was little - never ride something that can be taken down or put up within a day). The arts and crafts vendors is a haven; sheltered beneath the carnie food level and not as seethingly hot and sticky.

I can't quite believe I want to be a part of it. But I have a spark for something finally and I'm not going to let it go.