Showers of Blessings.

I've kept a journal for the past several months and I wish that I had started sooner. It would have benefited me to have kept a record of the insane thought process I developed during the year. I would know today just how far I have come from that black hole that I will consider this year to have been. It's lost now. It will be one of those years I choose to forget.

A lot of my memories are lost. I suppose it's a coping mechanism. I suppose it's a way of moving forward, but it makes me realize that my brain considers my entire life to be a disappointment. Why does my brain diminish the value of my thoughts and experiences and keep them from me? Sometimes I feel like a robot - my brain is a separate entity from my heart and there's nothing I can do. It helps to have medicine and it helps to have supportive family and friends and it helps to have faith. Those things help to keep me from making a simple disorder - depression - an uncontrolable influence over my life. I'm thankful that over and over again I have these trials that make it more clear to me just how precious life is and how precious my faith, my family, and my true friends are to me. I'm grateful for God's mercy and his grace.